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A Fradulent Review of These Stupid Shoes

May 13, 2014 by Lauren Van Schaik in 0 comments
The Maude, May 13, 2014 ModCloth refused to accept my review of these sassy, v. avant-garde wedges, so I shall be heard here, on The Maude, a weblog which has nothing to do with fashion or looking good or even feeling good, instead. My very legitimate customer complaints will not be silenced: I was so excited to find these shoes. I’ve always thought that my outfits were not complete without a symbolic trampling of my childhood in the form of disembodied doll heads. And for 12 hours they were spectacular. I so enjoyed looking like the twee heroine who took a stand against toy manufacturers and their outrageous promotion of unrealistic body ideals, or maybe the victim of devastating claw machine accident that claimed my feet. Unfortunately, as I stopped at the supermarket on the way home, the clear heel of the left shoe became dislodged and six Barbie heads popped out and skittered across the floor. I was able to rescue two, but the four others were picked up by a particularly slobbery child and could not be retrieved. My left heel is sadly depopulated and I will be seeking a refund. It’s such a pity because I really did […]